In this house we believe in Deets

General Vibe

Okay, so here’s the deal. We’re getting married in a forest. Four miles up a dirt road, on the side of a mountain, in a sylvan glade. It’s because we grew up as Lord of the Rings stans and we think we’re Beren and Luthien (Lisa can explain it to anyone with a confused look on their face). Well, actually we’ve had to rein it in a bit as logistical realities have slowly made themselves apparent.

So, here’s the actual deal. We’re getting married in a state park. It’s still in a sylvan glade, more or less, but it’s conveniently located with a nice path a short distance from a parking lot and a bathroom. You’re welcome anyone who has a gammy leg!

This is happening in a place called Champoeg but is pronounced sham-POO-ee. So that’s fun!

We’ll all arrive about mid-afternoon. Then Dave will shout “rally!” And blow a whistle until the Fonz confiscates it. (There will be a raffle awarding the role of the Fonz to one lucky ticket holder.)

So we’ll assemble near some trees and say words at one another and then we’ll leave the wilderness and re-assemble in the bustling metropolis of McMinnville where more fun will be had.

Okay, We did it, what now?

We should have some time before us while the dinner-time hunger slowly builds until it drives us all like lemmings to our restaurant destination (more on that below).

So, maybe you’d like to saunter about the bucolic environs of Champoeg?  Walk on that carb heavy dinner you’re going to enjoy later! Or, maybe you’re quite thirsty and stressed out from all the tears of joy and whistle blowing? In that case, head into town and enjoy the hipster drinking establishment of your choice. Here’s one now:

When we were there last, we sat in a comfortable corner nook and watched a local eccentric repeatedly place his expensive Reidel wine glass on the precariously curved slope of the natural edge bar top and then watch in fascination as it started to rapidly slide away to it’s inevitable destruction. We really wanted to yell “hey weirdo! stop that!” but instead the bartender calmly instructed the man to “stop that”. Eventually he and his large pizza shuffled on off. We can’t wait to go again!

Staring at an improbably large airplane and thinking about what an absolute madman Howard Hughes was is sure to work you up to something. Save that feeling for dinner…

Dinner

Okay, so now we’re all proper hungry after that impromptu touch football game in the meadow near the visitor center and then all the day drinking and museums. Let’s eat!

Dinner will be found at the La Rambla Social Room in downtown. That’s one door down from the actual restaurant. If you go to the actual restaurant you’ll have a lovely time but they will bill you at the end. Make sure to fill out the dietary restrictions bit on the RSVP form or we can’t guarantee your culinary safety.

Where is all this again?

Now you may be thinking “how do I, a mere acolyte in the game of life even get to these far flung places?” Well, it’s easy. First you take an excruciatingly uncomfortable plane ride from wherever it is that you rest your head at night. Ask the pilot to head for PDX. They’ll know what that means. If instead you’re #blessed enough to already live on the Left Coast then you’re only looking at a short, comfortable car ride. You know who you are. On arrival, you’ll want to fire up Bing on your Windows Phone and type “Champoeg State Park” into the little box.  Obey the robot’s directions and you’ll be at “sylvan glade” in no time. 

We’ve reserved a spot in the park called Townsite.  Yes you in the back urgently raising your hand, there used to be a town there. Now it’s all pretty trees and “don’t feed the wombat” signs.

Editors Note: The former town was destroyed by flood and the hardy pioneer folk took the hint and went elsewhere for their town building activities.  The Willamette is a harsh mistress. (also a Heinlein novel)

For the record, we expect no floods on our special day. Oh look, here’s a map!

I’m tired now. Where’s my hotel?

Well, we partied hard until 9:15pm PDT and it’s time for sleep (or whatever it is you people do at night). Now, we’ve never stayed in any of these dumps so don’t take our word for it but, people with more on the ground intel have told us that you won’t be disappointed (depending on your personal standards) by booking one of these:

• Red Lion
• Best Western
• McMenamins Hotel Oregon
• Atticus
• The Vintages

We can report that McMenimens properties in general are a good time while not having any personal experience with the joint on Evans St. Go to the Kennedy School in Portland if you have time!

Red Lion and Best Western are pretty standard but they’re both a 5 minute ride outside of downtown. Atticus and McMenamins are in downtown but Atticus is a bit spendy.

That last one is a hipster trailer park we found on Instagram. It just looked cool. It’s about a 10 minute ride from town and you’re staying in an old Airstream so approximately 12% more adventurous than the other options.

Finally, as no list is complete without a corresponding yang to go with the above yins, we’re told maybe avoid The McMinnville Inn. Just so you know.

What to wear when you’re feeling fabulous

Pants. Definitely pants.

Or skirts. But not pants and skirts. No, strike that. Wear pants and skirts if you’re so inclined. Maybe some sort of festive top. Hats are optional.

Dave will be in full Scottish regalia and Jessica will be in an Elven fantasy get up that she carved herself from a larger get up.

Think about it this way, when are you ever going to get the chance to dress to impress in a manner that will cause Jessica to lift one eyebrow ever so slightly?

That’s right. This opportunity comes once and once only. On June 21st 2025. Did the invitations mention that date?

Basically, if people are shouting “who are you wearing? at you then you’re doing it right.  One caveat, and we cannot stress this enough: No jorts!

For those who need more concrete, actionable advice: go for a Garden Party vibe. Ie, what you might wear to a fancy-ish Summer cocktails on the patio event. Don’t feel the need to go crazy just because Dave has decided he’s wearing a wee dress.

Did you really read all that?

What a try hard! Congratulations! you’ve been automatically entered into the Fonzi raffle. Exciting! Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.